Breaking up could be quite disturbing and heart wrenching. No one goes into a relationship with the intentions of breaking up and referring to your once significant other as an ex.
Despite the heartbreak and its pains, it doesn’t turn your ex to an enemy. We have people who still keep contact with their ex and even end up being friends.
Though it might sound so surreal, having them turn from an ex to a friend could be very tricky and may get things complicated in the long run.
10 Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex
It is therefore advised to understand the essence of boundaries for being friends with an ex. In this article, we will provide you with tips for remaining friends with your ex without getting yourself into another dirty entanglement. Here are the basics of boundaries for being friends with an ex.
1. Define the situationship or the friendship zone
You can’t lead them on, because you don’t know what they have in mind. In precise terms, let them know what the friendship means for both of you. Get your expectations clear to prevent the resurrection of dead feelings.
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Let them know if the friendship only starts and ends with a wave when you bump into each other or you can sit over a cup of coffee once in three months. Whichever one you want, let them know your stance.
2. The past should remain in the past
Don’t try to bring up the past. What ever happened between you two is now in the past and you should accept the reality. There’s nothing to relive again, unless you want to stir feelings of hatred and resentment. If you haven’t truly gotten over the past, you may not have any reason to remain friends with an ex.
3. Respect their privacy
They are no longer your significant other but your ex, and you don’t have reason to know what’s happening in their life. You don’t have any business with who they’re dating now or the next phase of their career.
Don’t give unsolicited advice about their love life. You may actually have good interests but your interests may be interpreted as desperation or obsession. Keep to your space and stay out of their privacy.
4. Respect their new partner
The breakup happened between you and your ex and not between you and your ex new lover. There’s no point dragging the new partner into what happened in the past.
Boundaries for being friends with an ex entails respecting their new partner and accepting the fact that they are moving on and you have been replaced.
5. Don’t tell them about what’s going on in your life
Boundaries for being friends with an ex include keeping your private life to yourself. Why should your ex know who you’re seeing or about your promotion at your workplace? Are you trying to get them jealous?
You can’t be getting jealous of them and still want a friendship with them. It does not work that way. Let your private life remain with you.
6. Hangout with other friends
Hanging out with a group of friends is among the effective boundaries for being friends with an ex. You shouldn’t give room for weird feelings by hanging out alone. When you hang out together with other friends, the pressure to talk reduces a lot and you wouldn’t have the space to bring up the past feelings.
7. Maintain zero physical contact
You only want to be friends with your ex without getting yourself into weird entanglement. This is why you must not touch or flirt with your ex.
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Flirting with them can lead to something more intimate, especially if they’re yet to get completely over you. This may make them feel uncomfortable in the friendship.
8. Do not stalk them online
Boundaries for being friends with an ex include shutting them off your social media space. Besides, you should have blocked them across all social media platforms during the breakup.
Perhaps you were unable to do so, but in your new friendship with them, stalking them online should be avoided. Seeing them on social media having fun with their new partner may breed negative feelings like envy and jealousy.
9. Deal with unresolved feelings
Some feelings may linger after the breakup. So, before declaring a new friendship with your ex, you have to deal with lingering feelings. Because, you shouldn’t feel pain or anger when you meet them.
10. You should know when to call it a day
Maybe, your efforts were not able to keep the friendship within your best terms and if care is not taken, you may end up in a complicated situationship. At this point, the best option would be taking a step back and thinking things through.
Take away
A breakup does not mean an ex is now an enemy. You can still be friends with your ex but there should be boundaries for being friends with an ex to avoid jeopardizing your own priorities, well-being and your new relationship.