From a close look at divorce statistics in the United States, most cases of infidelity in marriages are reported by women. It is very rare to see a man call for a divorce because of his own extra-marital affairs. This brings up the question of why do cheating husbands stay married?
Infidelity in marriages is a very sensitive issue that undermines the sanctity of the civil union. It can come in various forms – emotional infidelity or sexual infidelity. Either of these forms spells impending doom on any marriage.
Though most men involved in cheating argue that they do it mainly for variety or emotional support, it doesn’t imply hatred or disrespect for their wives.
However, on second thought, if one could find solace or some kind of emotional support in a mistress instead of the wife, why then remain in the marriage? It should be easier and more convenient for the man to stop betraying the wife and concentrate on his mistress, but a look at many factors have answered why do cheating husbands stay married.
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Fear, guilt, and emotional attachment to the wife are major reasons why most men protect their marriages while sustaining their extramarital affairs somewhere else. For clarity, we have uncovered some major solutions to the question; why do cheating husbands stay married?
Why Do Cheating Husbands Stay Married? 7 Reasons
1. There are No Consequences
The fear of losing the wife through divorce is a major factor that checks infidelity amongst most men. In circumstances, where the wives are very vigilant and observational, it is almost impossible for a man to cheat without being seen by the watchful eyes of the wife.
However, there are scenarios where the wife seems nonchalant about the husband’s infidelity. Because of her commitment to work and family, she has little to no time to suspect or monitor the moves of the husband. Such a scenario is exactly why most cheating husbands stay married.
They know their wives are committed to work and family and rarely suspect them. Despite their affairs elsewhere, they eventually come back to a happy home. Such circumstances are among the major reasons why cheating husbands stay married.
2. Alimony and other financial restitutions
The issue of finance is very important to men. No man cherishes the idea of digging a whole in his savings to pay alimony or child support. Neither do men like the idea of sharing their assets with an ex-wife.
It is easier for most men to stay married while cheating than to lose a fortune through divorce. Paying child support and alimony would do no justice to anyone’s finances. To avoid such difficult financial situations, cheating husbands strive earnestly to protect their marriages.
Though they enjoy the company and attention of their mistresses, they couldn’t tolerate the thought of calling it quits with their wives.
3. Cheating husbands believe change is possible
There are three types of men that keep affairs – the opportunistic guy, the horny guy and the frustrated guy. The opportunistic guy is a typical husband who cheats on the wife with the intentions that he’d change sooner or later.
Their infidelity is not always deliberate or because of the wife’s shortcomings, rather, it is as a result of the opportunistic circumstance. They show less commitment to their mistresses and remain fully committed to their marriages with the hope they’ll soon leave the cheating zone..
If you ask why do cheating husbands stay married? They thought that changing anytime soon is a worthy answer. Since they see infidelity as accidental and something that shouldn’t last long, they stay with their wives while waiting when they’d eventually call it a day with their mistresses.
4. Loneliness
Why do cheating husbands stay married? The fear of loneliness is a big factor. Family and marriage are huge sources of companionship for most men, especially those approaching the septuagenarian club.
According to Pooja Priyamvada (psychologist and mental health expert) in bonology, family and marriage are often the long lasting aspects of one’s life, a divorce will take away both.
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Companionship provided by a mistress is often short-lived and transactional. It does not embody commitment like the kind of companionship a wife and children could provide. Instead of facing such loneliness during such a critical time in their lives, most husbands struggle to stay married to their wives.
5. They believe they believe they can never be caught
Another answer to the question of why do cheating husbands stay married is that some cheating husbands spare no effort in erasing any trace that may uncover their cheating escapades.
Such husbands are unrepentant cheats and think they can never be caught because of their carefulness and believed mastery in the game. Their marriages are safe for them because their wives have no idea of whatsoever that is going on.
There is no fear or guilt. They just go about keeping mistresses while enjoying a happy home. This might sustain their affairs for a while but not eternally because sooner or later, the wife would certainly get hold of everything and the end might be difficult for the husband to take.
6. Guilt and shame
Why do cheating husbands stay married? Guilt and shame. Most husbands cannot entertain the thought of being identified as an ex husband. Especially when the divorce was initiated because of their infidelity. Their dignity and reputation would be on the line.
In some families, divorce is generally frowned at. It could be challenging to be the scapegoat. Most families have a tradition of zero tolerance to divorce. In such scenarios, cheating husbands stay married.
Moreso, the guilt and shame of facing the wife after betraying her trust and commitment do not allow some husbands the courage to call for a divorce.
7. Children’s welfare
Calling it quits in marriage without any issue is easier than calling it quits in marriage with children. It is very convenient to figure out the interests of the partners and then a divorce. But when children come into the equation, everything changes.
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The interests of the children are earnestly considered. Some pertinent questions about the children’s welfare would be asked and if answers are lacking, the divorce proceedings might be suspended. Because of the welfare of the children, cheating husbands stay married to enable them to give their children the best.
FAQs
Why do unfaithful men stay with their wives?
There are a plethora of reasons why unfaithful men stay married. Fear, shame, and financial restitutions are the major reasons. They thought of paying alimony and child support scares most men a lot, because of the financial implications. Succinctly, the fear of loneliness, the children’s welfare, shame, and financial restitution are the major reasons why unfaithful men stay with their wives.
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Can a man cheat and still love his wife?
Yes. A man can cheat and still remain in love with the wife. Especially men that cheats because of some sexual gratifications. The pleasure can never be equated to the blissful home the wife provides. They however think that cheating is just for the moment and sooner or later they’d get committed once again to their wives. Love is deep and very much beyond sexual intercourse. With or without exclusivity, a man can still love his wife.
Can a marriage survive after cheating?
Yes. Though the chances are very slim. A marriage can survive after infidelity if the couple are committed towards making it work again. It depends largely on understanding and the sincerity of the couple. The partner asking for forgiveness should be sincere while the other partner has the options of forgiving wholeheartedly or calling it quits. At best, the couple can have a heart-to-heart discussion and set boundaries where necessary.
Bottom Line
Family and children would pop up in any bargain, just as it influences decisions on divorce. These and other reasons including alimony and guilt are the major reasons why cheating husbands stay married. They have a lot to lose than to gain if they chose their extramarital affairs over their marriages.