The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive communication style that is often utilized to keep oneself out of discussions and intimacy with the significant other.
It is often used by guys whenever they have a big fight with either their girlfriends or wives. One major reason why many guys resort to silent treatment after a fight, is to avoid more fights and seek for a way to re-establish their authority.
However, the silent treatment has been consistently identified as a bad approach in resolving conflicts. It is sometimes regarded as a modified form of emotional abuse. The victim of silent treatment is very likable to the victim of an abusive relationship.
Because it does not involve physical violence, the victims find it very difficult to figure out the effects. Notably, silent treatment is just psychological warfare against the victim. The emotional trauma and self torture, always keeps the victim in an unending emotional stress. However, once the reasons for silent treatment are figured out by the victim, it helps in identifying measures to manage it.
According to experts, here are a few reasons why you receive the silent treatment after a fight, from your partner.
Why do guys give the silent treatment – 4 reasons
1. To Avoid Hitting You
Physical abuse is very impeding to any relationship or marriage. If emotions are not well controlled, physical abuse may be unavoidable. In many circumstances, the silent treatment has proven to be a proactive means to avoid physical abuse.
Instead of hitting the girlfriend or wife, many guys find it more convenient to restrain themselves and have their emotions in check.
If your boyfriend gives you the silent treatment after a fight, do not bother confronting him. Allow him to have enough time to process his emotions. During this period, make sure you are around him.
Put up a jovial face always. And don’t forget to get him a surprise gift. Such approaches would not allow him the opportunity to consider other stringent means to handle the issue.
2. To re-establish their authority
Men are always conscious of their ego. They see it as a representation of who they are. Once a man feels that his ego has been deflated, an emotional turbulence would be created within him.
He tries to process the chances of recovering his ego or living with a punctured ego. Most times in a relationship, during fight, men are often outplayed during verbal warfare.
This leaves them with an unaltered feeling of despair. To recover their ego and re-establish their authority, many resort to silent treatment. They know very well how difficult it could be for their partners to endure the flinching trauma of silent treatment.
When properly utilized, the silent treatment forces out a sincere apology from the partner just as wished by the man.
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3. To re-evaluate the relationship
The period after a big fight, presents a good opportunity and atmosphere to re-evaluate the relationship. It gives room for the partners to objectively review the relationship and their stances so far. Perhaps, because of the series of emotional challenges that succeeds a big fight.
Your boyfriend is probably is probably using the silent treatment as a window of opportunity to review the relationship. He compares it with his previous relationships and decides the way forward. Allow him the necessary time to reflect and ponder on the relationship.
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4. He is trying to forgive you
Forgiveness is the bedrock and backbone of any relationship. Without forgiveness and tolerance, many relationships would hit the wall before they even start. Though, it could be very difficult to forgive, especially when the partner is not remorseful of their actions. Forgiving your partner after a big fight, could not be readily easy.
Therefore, many guys resort to the silent treatment. The process of silent treatment allows them the time to review their roles in the past altercation.
How inappropriately they talked to you. How they failed to understand your emotions. How they were not man enough to avoid the fight. Such thoughts would certainly vindicate you and give him the needed reason to forgive.
How Long Should Silent Treatment Last In A Relationship
The duration of silent treatment in a relationship is often dependent on the partners. How effective their communication was before the silent treatment started. However, it is always advised to make it as brief as possible. Our quick reply is that silent treatment should be as brief as possible, it shouldn’t be overstretched to days or weeks.
When the silent treatment is very brief, the victim wouldn’t have much emotional stress and it would be very easy for them to understand the possible reasons why their partner resorted to it. Silent treatment at this level strengthens the relationship and makes it go-to alternative after a fight.
On the other hand, when the silent treatment is stretched out so much, it would be difficult for the victim to come to terms with the reasons for the silent treatment.
They might end up seeing it as a subtle indication of an impending breakup. The victim might conclude that the partner is using the silent treatment to prepare themselves for the lonely days after a breakup.
Therefore, make the silent treatment as brief and quick as possible. Once your partner has shown signs of remorse, quickly open up to her and set your relationship back to its form.
Is Silent Treatment The End Of A Relationship?
Silent treatment is not intended to be the end of
the relationship, unless the partner has already made up his mind to call it quits. He therefore sees the silent treatment as a window of opportunity. Silent treatment is not the end of a relationship, it is a means to strengthen rough edges in the relationship.
Silent treatment allows the partners the time and atmosphere to re-evaluate, reflect and ponder on the relationship and decide whether to charter a new course or strengthen their already established bond.
Do not think that the relationship is over because your partner is giving you the silent treatment. It is just a moment of reflection which could be beneficial to the relationship. But be watchful when the silent treatment would deteriorate to emotional abuse. Do not hesitate to seek alternatives elsewhere.
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Is Silent Treatment Normal In A Relationship?
No. Silent treatment is not normal in a relationship. It is not even recommended by relationship experts. Instead of creating a wall between you and your partner through silence, summon courage and have a heart-to-heart discussion with them.
In its extreme form, the silent treatment is a more painful form of emotional abuse. A partner who finds delight in using the silent treatment may not be too different from an abusive partner.
Silent treatment is not normal in a relationship. What is normal in a relationship is frequent and active communication.