Trust has been the backbone of friendship, relationship, business and contractual agreements. If trust is lacking, the essence of human relationships would fall like a pack of cards. The result of your pursuits is largely tied to the type of people you trust.
It is very necessary to understand that as much as trust is inevitable in friendships, the inability to figure out its absence is a direct pathway to failure.
As we grow, we understand that there are persons we can trust and also understand that there are individuals we should keep at arm’s length.
Despite the level of intimacy, it is still very necessary to remain cautious of who you trust. Being dynamic is a human trait and there are tendencies that the person who stood with you today may also draw a sword against you tomorrow.
Be careful who you trust, because dishonest friends, allies, partners have been the bane of many great people.
We know it might be a little bit challenging to figure out how to be careful who you trust, but in this article, we have developed strategies to enable you to thread carefully in the midst of dishonest friends.
Be Careful Who You Trust: 10 Ways To Avoid Distrustful People
Because you are an honest friend does not mean your friends would all be honest to you. Loyalty is objective and a function of an individual’s value system. Don’t go about trusting people because you think everyone is trustworthy as you are.
Irrespective of how much you trust others, there are some basic principles you must apply to keep you safe from backstabbers and snitches.
1. Do not trust the clout chaser
A clout chaser is one who derives joy in amplifying and spreading information, especially unnecessary and irrelevant ones. For a clout chaser, it is all about the attention and fame; and not emotions as a friend.
They live for the attention their misinformation would bring them. Your secrets would not be safe with the clout chaser if such secrets can bring them attention. This is something they do without any bad motive. It is just their character.
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In every group, there is a clout chaser or a drama queen. Figure them out as soon as possible and keep your secrets very far from them.
2. Avoid self deceit
Be careful who you trust because your naivety can lead you to embarrassment and trouble.
Don’t deceive yourself with the thought that you are exempted from betrayal. Because you are an honest friend does not mean your dishonest friends won’t betray you.
Be on guard always and jealously guide your reputation, secrets and private details from the grasp of your friends.
3. Revealing your secrets won’t make them loyal
Some people make the costly mistake of sharing their deepest secrets in order to win the loyalty of some friends. This is totally unnecessary and obviously detrimental.
Loyalty is won based on attitude and commitment. Sharing your secrets won’t endear you to fans, rather it would make you vulnerable to blackmail and backstabbing.
Be careful who you trust, because even in your intimate relationship, the secret you shared today would be used against you tomorrow.
You have a number of body counts which you know may not sit well with your significant other, the best you can do is to keep it to yourself and remain committed to the relationship.
Such self-disclosure would startle the trust of your significant other and awaken their curiosity.
4. Do not ignore your instinct
If your instinct gives you hints to be careful who you trust, don’t doubt it. Our inner voice rarely fails us because it works on stimuli.
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There’s a reason why your inner voice is actively kicking against that particular friend. Listen to your inner voice and save yourself from avoidable mistakes or disappointments.
5. Don’t give a third chance
There’s this saying – fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. What about getting fooled the third time, who’ll bear the shame?
Be careful who you trust, prioritize your interest and be mindful of people’s dishonest behaviors. One strike is even enough, you don’t have to wait till the second betrayal.
If someone has cheated on you before, what is your conviction that they won’t do it again? Of course, they will do it over and over again because you’ll give them a second, third, fourth, infinite chance.
6. Because you are trustworthy, doesn’t mean they would be trustworthy
We have a different value system and you don’t have to project your value system unto others. You’re trustworthy, does not mean your friends would be trustworthy.
Be careful who you trust, because you don’t betray people, does not mean you won’t be betrayed. Human beings are different, with varying principles. We all have our moral codes and rules. Live on your own and assume for others.
7. If they tell you about other people, they would also tell other people about you
The friend that is comfortable telling you about other people, would also comfortably tell other people about you. You’re not different from the people they told you about.
It is their nature and they enjoy doing it. You won’t be spared in their gossiping spree. Be careful who you trust because it is just a matter of time and you’d start hearing your secrets from third parties.
Read also: How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested In Them: 15 Telltale Strategies
If they can’t keep other people’s secrets, they wouldn’t keep yours.
8. Don’t assume anything, be realistic
The concept of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ should not be applied when you’re dealing with your darkest secrets.
If you have information that someone is talking about you, work with the information. Don’t assume anything, there would always be time for assumptions and amendments. But in the meantime, confront the person, cut off communication and thread carefully.
9. Be careful with what you tell people
It is always advised to talk less and listen more. In talking too much, you may likely say something unreasonable or share your secrets. Learn to keep your mouth shut as often as possible.
If you must vent, make sure you’re in control of your emotions to avoid giving away information that would be advantageous to your adversaries.
Be careful who you trust and be mindful of what you tell people irrespective of the perceived closeness.
10. If it acts like a duck, it is a duck
If you have seen instances where a particular person betrayed people, then they would also betray you if you give them a chance.
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There’s no ifs or buts. It is either they’re backstabbers or they are not. If they have broken your trust, don’t give them a second chance because they would certainly betray you again.
11. Don’t reveal if they don’t reveal
Why should you share secrets with someone who is not willing to share theirs with you. If they’re not revealing much like you, there’s no need for you to reveal.
They are only extracting details from you. Details they would use against you. Be careful who you trust because if they are withholding information from you, it means they don’t trust you or they have resolved to reveal whatever you tell them.
12. You don’t have to trust them because they “trust” you
Be careful who you trust because they trust you, does not mean you should trust them. Because they told you their secrets does not mean you should tell them your own secrets.
Self-disclosing is a strategy to earn trust and extract information. They can confide in you to enable you to confide in them. Don’t be deceived.
Bottom Line
Trust is essential for a friendship to prosper. When there’s no trust, there’s no friendship. But if the trust breaks, what you revealed earlier might be used against you and make you vulnerable to blackmail.
Get your act intact and be mindful of what you tell people no matter the level of their perceived loyalty. Watch your friends moves and always trust your inner voice.