Have you experienced a sudden, immense and persuasive love from someone, often a person you met recently, and suddenly this person withdraws all your attention and keeps you in the dark. This is love bombing then ghosting.
Love bombing then ghosting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse often used by narcissists to keep their victims under control and dictate the direction of their love life.
This is not often a one-time thing as they also reappear from nowhere to start another round of love bombing after the previous ghosting. It is a very manipulative strategy often used by persons who may be insecure or might have suffered abandonment issues in the past.
However, we’ve identified a couple of reasons why narcissists often engage this emotional double-whammy to manipulate their significant others. If you’ve been wondering the possible reasons behind love bombing then ghosting, here are them.
Love Bombing Then Ghosting: 5 Major Reasons
1. Low Self-esteem
To an extent, love bombing then ghosting is a result of underlying insecurity issues. Love bombers often suffer low self-esteem and do not have much confidence in themselves.
Therefore, when they newly meet someone, they go overboard to impress and win the trust of this person. They’re very persuasive in this approach to avoid losing the person to someone else. They have a scarcity mindset that makes them think it is only this one left idea.
When they’ve eventually won the person over, they’d begin to doubt their capacity to keep the relationship afloat. They’re threatened by her male friends, male colleagues and every one of her moves trigger their insecurity.
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To keep themselves safe from the imaginary competition they’ve created in their minds, they withdraw absolutely from the relationship without any reason whatsoever.
2. Not Ready For Commitment
Scared of commitment is another reason for love bombing and then ghosting. At the early stage of the relationship – the honeymoon phase, there’s this intense desire to be with you. At this stage, you might not have had the needed atmosphere to bring up critical questions that would define your relationship.
Now, when this phase starts fading away and the real relationship test begins. You’d notice a sudden step back from them.
This is because the relationship is no longer as rosy as they envisaged in the beginning. They thought being with just one person scares them, having to keep up with the quirks of the significant other becomes a serious challenge.
Instead of getting committed in the relationship, they chicken out and apply the ghosting strategy. However, you might see them return again when they’ve figured out you’ve sorted your finances or have improved in other areas.
They come again with love bombing and also retreat when commitment comes up and the cycle continues.
3. Why Love Bombing And Then Ghosting? Because They’re Manipulative
As already established, love bombing and then ghosting is a psychological and emotional abuse often used by people with narcissistic traits to control their victims.
Narcissists are always conscious of their ego, which they can go to any length to protect.
The sole aim of their love bombing is to enable them to stiffen your chances of rejecting them. They have this mindset that if they take things gradually or leave spaces in between, you’d have the opportunity to think about them and probably reject their advances.
To avoid this, they keep you so busy with off the roof attention and communication. You’d have no other option than to give in.
And when they’ve achieved this, they begin to plan their exit route. Though they might keep you in the relationship if they succeed in isolating you but if not, they’d ghost you when you least expected it.
4. Not Eager To Ask Sensitive Questions
Why love bombing and then ghosting? Because they’re afraid of confrontation. In a relationship, there are negative feedbacks you’d receive about your partner that’d require a serious review but because of the fear of confronting the significant other, everything is endure till the ghosting stage.
They believe they do not have the strength to start going back and forth with the questions or lack the emotional intelligence to accept the reaction that could come from the significant other.
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5. They’re Opportunists
Love bombers are opportunists who are merely looking for companionship till they find someone better.
They ghost you immediately when they’ve started seeing someone else.
Love Bombing
Simply put, love bombing is lavishing immense and intense attention onto the victim. This over-the-top admiration or adoration is strategically used to persuade the victim into a relationship they did not prepare for.
Sometimes they are not even allowed to know more about the significant other or even create boundaries. They just love to bomb them into the relationship and keep them isolated. Though, there may be any malicious motive but love bombing has the undertone of psychological and emotional abuse.
Signs Of Love Bombing
- Frequent and consistent communication. They keep the victim engaged with their over-the-top communication. A call in the morning, followed shortly by a morning text, then a routine check across their various social media handles and another round of discussions in the afternoon before speaking with them all through the night.
- Declaration of love during the first days of meeting. They won’t get tired of telling you how they prayed to have someone like you. You’d hear how you’re the best that ever happened to them and how you’re loved more than the mother.
- Excessive And Insincere Compliment. They compliment everything about you till it becomes obvious that they’re forcing it. If you pay attention you’d notice the vague and insincere compliments.
- Expensive gifts. They have this competitive mindset that puts them on the pedestal. Always eager to out do their imaginary competitor, they spend a fortune to impress their victims with costly gifts.
Ghosting
Ghosting a sudden withdrawal and cutting off with no reason whatsoever. It is very frustrating to be ghosted and it is even more draining to be ghosted after weeks of immense and intense declaration of love.
It is very difficult to see a relationship you’d wished would last, vanish into thin air without any explanation. You’d wonder endlessly what you did wrong and the self-guilt is very capable of sending one into depression. Meanwhile ghosting is often obtainable in long distance relationships and online dating.
Related: 3 Harsh Facts About Long distance Relationships You Should Know
Signs of ghosting
- Avoiding your calls.
- Dodging every attempt to get in touch with you.
- Not replying to your texts.
- Blocking you on every social media platform.
How To Cope With Love Bombing And Then Ghosting
1. Absolve yourself from the blame
Do not blame yourself for what happened, it was never your fault. This is the most important thing you have to understand after love bombing and then ghosting. It takes the victim a great time to move on because they guilt trip themselves into depression.
2. Block them from getting in touch with you because if they do, they will repeat the same process.
3. Talk to your family and friends. These are the people that would readily understand your plight. Reconnect with them and explain your ordeals to them. They’d provide you with the needed emotional support that will prepare you for another and better relationship.
4. When you’ve healed, try out relationships. Don’t be held captive by the past. Free yourself from the shackles of the emotional trauma and embrace another relationship.
5. Consider visiting a therapist for guidance.
Bottom Line
Love bombing and then ghosting is very abusive. Don’t wait till you’re ghosted before calling it quits. Watch out for the signs of love bombing and take your time to vet them properly and create boundaries where necessary.