During the early stages of childhood, there are a couple of noticeable attachment styles. Each of these attachment styles is a reflection of the child’s experience with the caregiver.
This emotional attachment between infants and their caregivers also comes up during intimate relationships. The emotional experience your significant other had as an infant would determine the perspective from which they see the relationship.
In most relationships, the relatable attachment style is the avoidant attachment style. It is a an insecure attachment style which originated from the deprivation of emotional support during childhood.
People with avoidant attachment style are often indisposed to a closed relationship. They are very uncomfortable with intimate relationships and may seem uninterested.
Spouses with avoidant attachment style are often independent and have challenges staying in a codependent relationship. They have difficulties asking their partners for assistance, primarily because of their self-sufficient instincts.
With their emotional turmoil, it is very challenging to stay in a long relationship with avoidant attachment style. They have a lot of triggers which when pulled could cause their withdrawal from the relationship. Here are a couple of avoidant attachment triggers.
8 Avoidant Attachment Triggers You Should Know
1. Being criticized by their significant other
Dismissive-avoidants may not have issues with constructive criticisms but are easily triggered by personal criticisms directed at them. The words used during fights, arguments have negative impacts on them and could lead to their eventual withdrawal.
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If you notice your partner has the avoidant attachment style, you should word your criticisms very well. And let them your criticisms are out of concern and for the best interest of the relationship.
Meanwhile, if you know you have the avoidant attachment style, the best thing to do is to explain things to your significant other and harness the better means in maintaining effective communication.
2. Being dependent on their partners
Intimate relationship is mainly a two-way thing, that needs the efforts of the two parties. And it is never a bad thing if one partner happens to depend on the other. Provided there’s a good level of understanding.
However, dismissive-avoidants are easily by dependence. Their natural self-sufficient instincts would misconstrue the circumstances. They’d feel it is a sign of being mocked or a direct taunt at their childhood experiences.
Having grown up with little to no emotional support, dismissive-avoidants are triggered by the assistances from the significant other. It is only a matter of time before they adjust their feelings to the demands of intimate relationships.
3. Demanding so much attention from them
If you’re talking about clingy affair just write off dismissive-avoidants. Being clingy or emotionally attached is not their thing and you may be seen as a disturbance if you demand much attention from them.
Dismissive-avoidants didn’t grow up with the needed emotional support from their caregivers and as, may not attach much relevance to emotional attachments during intimate relationships.
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Calling them always like 4 times in a day, showing up for surprises, chatting too long or seeking their opinions in everything, are major triggers for dismissive-avoidants. The best alternative is to keep things as moderate as possible.
4. A significant other wanting to get too close
Another trigger for dismissive-avoidants is trying to get too close with them. As already highlighted, being clingy is not a thing for dismissive-avoidants.
They so much value their space and wouldn’t trade it for anything. As a result, some intimate questions are direct turn offs. It is viewed as an invasion of their privacy.
Questions like how did your last relationship end? Where do you see us in the next 5 years? What are your for the relationship? Do you really love me? These amongst other questions are direct turn offs to dismissive-avoidants.
Any of these triggers is enough to cause a dismissive-avoidant to pull out of the relationship. If pulling out takes them much time, they’d begin to get themselves preoccupied with work, hobby and spending quality time with friends and family.
What To Do If You Have The Avoidant Attachment Style
1. Allow yourself to be dependent on others
It would be very difficult to navigate through your emotional needs if you’re not comfortable being dependent on others. Your significant other would be distressed by being rendered incompetent with your self-sufficient instinct.
What then the interest of the relationship? Nothing. You have to do away with the self-sufficient instincts and embrace the hands of assistance whenever offered by your partner.
It is your significant other and helping you is among the benefits of your stay in the relationship. Though it may be difficult to relegated the ideology but gradual attempts would be enough.
2. Take personal space if need be
Is the relationship becoming too stuffy? You may have to take a time and retrospect. You wouldn’t necessarily take a break from the relationship to enjoy your personal space.
The silent treatment might come handy if not abused. Limit your time and space within yourself and review your perceptions about the relationship.
3. Communicate well
People with avoidant attachment style have difficulties expressing their emotions or feelings. They’d prefer bottling them within themselves to revealing everything to their significant other.
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However, being able to express your feelings and discuss your emotions in a relationship is a good way to start regulating your interpersonal relationships.
4. Visit a therapist
You may not have the needed experience and emotional knowledge to tackle the avoidant attachment style. If other methods have proven abortive, the next viable alternative is to consult a therapist.
Therapy is a great way to figure out your avoidant attachment triggers, better ways of self regulating and the major causes of your attachment style.
Armed with such information and the professional guidance of the therapist, it would be a less difficult to get over your avoidant attachment style.